Yuri Manga: Otome Senshi Lovely 5!

January 22nd, 2010

Presented for your derision, the worst of the Yuri Hime cell phone manga and my first entry to the Yuri Hall of Shame, Japanese edition, Johnouchi Nene’s Otome Senshi Lovely 5!.

You may recognize Johnouchi Nene’s name from the Apple Day Dream series in Yuri Hime and Yuri Hime S, a series which I have never reviewed, or indeed, even purchased as a collected volume on account of the fact that I think it’s intolerably dull. I fought with myself over purchasing this title, and clearly the wrong side won that battle.

The basic plot of the story isn’t too hideous – cute Sweet Lolita wants to avoid wearing the boring school uniform (ironically, the *exact* same “plot” as the Tiara Bunko Light Novel I’m reading right now) and decides to create a sentai group to fight for cute things.

It’s not the plot that’s the problem – it’s everything else.

As you may know, I adore Fujieda Miyabi for his costume design skills as much as his characters. He has a real way with fashion, subtly highlighting a character’s feminity or masculinity without giant flashing arrows pointing to their secondary sexual characterisics. In just about every possible way Johnounchi Nene is the exact opposite. Her designs are ill-conceived; tortured, ugly even on their intended victims and not only have giant flashing arrows pointing at crotches and chests, but force us to look in those directions again and again, as if we might somehow not notice.

Her characters mix irresponsible, unrealistic BDSM – admittedly, the kind that’s most fun to read, but this falls short in that as well – with illegal relationships and uncomfortable situations, and then pounds us with gigantic breasts on top of all that, because there wasn’t *enough* fetishtry to keep our attention.

And to top it all off, the bad guy is a woman running around the school naked, trying to strip the Senshi of their frills to…are you sitting?…not drinking anything?…. SAVE THE PLANET. The moral of the story is that while Goth-Loli might not be ecologically sound, running around the school naked means a loser is you. Well, duh.

The only relationship in the entire series I didn’t want to see end in flames was the teacher and the pop singer who physically and emotionally abuses her. That one was okay.

In the end, the one big question was – which color would Momoka be? (Since, of course, each member of a sentai group has to be a color.) Given her name was Momoka, I could be forgiven for yawning and guessing she’s be in pink, but hah on me, because she’s Otome Senshi Lovely Rose.

Ratings:

Art – 4
Story – 2
Characters – 3
Yuri – 8
Service – 230,007

Overall – 3

I think I sprained my eyes rolling them, I really do.

This book was so good, that I’m giving it away. Here’s how to enter:

In the comments field, tell me what color and Loli style you would be as a Goth-Loli Senshi. Check back on the next Saturday YNN Report (not tomorrow, the one after that) for the winner, who can email me to  get this book out of my house get their prize! You must be 18 to enter.

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13 Responses

  1. Ok, I don’t particularly want the book (although it might be a hilariously bad read), but I like lolita and these kinds of little creative challenges.

    If I was a Goth-Loli senshi, I’d have to be a classic lolita with a light green color theme and rose corsages in my hair! I’d also wear flower patterns, delicate, understated ruffles and victorian granny boots with tights!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Is this prize open to people who don’t live in the US?

  3. Mara says:

    A Ōji-Lolita style Wehrmacht uniform but instead of the usual grey, black and white style mine would be various shades of deep pink. Also an eye patch with an iron cross medal on it, best place to wear your iron cross.

    My sentai tactic is to reduce my opponent to uncontrollable laughter or intense depression at my own fashion suicide.

  4. @Anonymous – Yes, but please sign your entry with *some* kind of name, so I can say that Gagrbalarg won, as opposed to “Anonymous”

  5. SatoshiMiwa says:

    Ah, what the hey…

    I’d wear a short, frilly dress with boots up the knee in classic Victorian style. The colours would be black, yellow and Red and mixed in such a way to be tacky and loud yet elegant. Hair would be in twirly pig tails.

    I’d be mostly silent except for the times I’d talk about sports. My magical attack would such involve sports, from using a magical goth loli hockey stick (Pink and black in color) to using “FAVRE” on the final boss

  6. Shei says:

    I think that they should send it to your e-mail because if not, everyone can say: “I am……. I won.”

    Just a thought.

  7. Faust says:

    I’m a guy, so this question may be a little hard to answer, but I’ll try.

    For clothing, I’d go for a gold & silver, and have gemstones (preferably diamonds) studded all over in sunburst patterns. To complete the ensemble, fishnet stockings & white-leather boots.

    Hope this is a good answer for you.

  8. @Anonymous – That’s probably a good point, but it may be moot, as SatoshiMiwa is currently in the lead. :-)

  9. My color would be green. I would be the one who obnoxiously delivers the obligatory environmental message, and thus every stitch would be made of nature’s miracle, which is to say hemp. We’re going whole hog here: a hemp ribbon with a big hemp bow, an imposing hemp pseudo-corset with hemp frills, a big puffy hemp skirt that abruptly ends at knee length, hemp boots–somehow–and a massive pair of hemp bloomers for modesty. This would all be dyed green through occult means. I would also wear spiked armbands made of poison oak, which I am somehow immune to.

    As a plant elemental, I would be the tank with a splash of controller: primarily there to goad enemies into attacking me, and being extraordinarily hard to take down once attacked. As a controller I would focus more on debilitating enemies and making them easier pickings for my friends, e.g. conjuring brier patches to impede movement, giant Venus flytraps and such to pin down and deal acid damage to foes, and at high levels ensnare victims in Australian murder-plants that induce fatal allergic reactions to anyone who sniffs them.

    Against fire my tactic would be to ignite and run around screaming.

    Personality-wise, my single personality trait would be constant maximum-volume environmental indignance coupled with zero practical knowledge of how to actually create a sustainable and healthy environment. I would be like Captain Planet, if a magical girl constantly itching from wearing nothing but hemp.

    I would be loathed universally for my godawful characterization and used extensively in doujin, lemons, and assorted fan-porneaux for my zero-thought-necessary pornographic applications.

    I have put far more thought into this than I should have.

  10. Ayana Mudou says:

    I would be the black senshi.

    My uniform would be a wa-lolita-like design in black, with tiny fucsia motifs on the hem, shaped like little diamonds.

    My power would be to make women more comfortable with themselves, no matter what they looked like or wear.

  11. BruceMcF says:

    Definitely the Goth loli would be kuro loli in the form of a dark purple gakuran, because I don’t speak japanese and don’t understand what “kuro” means and am more than a little off base on what the “loli” means, but godsdamn if I can’t pick an ugly colour of purple if I set my mind to it.

  12. Anonymous says:

    I don’t want the book in my house either, but your “contest” is so WTF I sort of wanna try to make an entry without gagging.

    Hmm…

    “In the comments field, tell me what color and Loli style you would be as a Goth-Loli Senshi.”

    …hmm…

    Aha! Now I know!

    Armin/Hermann/whatsisname was a Goth taken hostage and raised as a Roman, Arminius of Cherusci, who wore Roman clothes even as he played Quintilius Varus for a sucker and pushed the Roman Empire out of Germania.

    So for style of fight I’m thinking sneaky. For style of clothes I’m thinking Imperial Roman girlswear: a tunic with a belt at the waist, a bulla; and sandals, a second tunic, and a paludamentum cloak, for outdoors; and colors varying according to whether an expensive dye or an inexpensive one would make more sense at each stage of a sneaky plot – http://www.roman-colosseum.info/roman-clothing/colors-of-roman-clothing.htm .

  13. Anonymous says:

    The second chapter about the pop singer and teacher, really is the only part of this worth reading.

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