Live Action: Naked Killer

August 27th, 2004

I thought I’d end “live-action” week with one of my all-time favorite cheesy movies. Note the two different covers above. The one on the left is the original, the one on the right must be new packaging…but it doesn’t change the fact that this movie is cheeseball heaven. Here’s the original tagline for the movie: “There Are Two Things On Their Minds… One’s Killing!” ^_^

Naked Killer is the story of Kitty, a young woman whose father is brutally and quite stupdily killed, when his new, young, sexy wife is caught having an affair with a local studly, powerful businessman. Kitty walks into the guy’s office and shoots his henchmen up, but is caught and is about to be raped when mysterious “Sister Cindy” saves her, with some hysterically funny mad martial skillz.

It turns out that Sister Cindy is actually a professional assassin – she offers to teach Kitty everything she knows, but Kitty must follow her instructions without question. Thus Kitty embarks upon a very luxurious and successful life as a high-end assassin.

In the meantime, two people are trying to track Kitty down: A hunky detective, Tinam, with post-traumatic stress disorder that makes him unable to shoot a gun (he vomits every time he tries, which is actually alot funnier than it sounds) and Princess, Sister Cindy’s former protege’. Tinam, played by Simon Yam, is really wonderful and funny (intentionally.) He and Kitty actually make a cute couple.

But the real prize for yuri fans here is Princess, the psychotic lesbian ex-student. She is absolutely *brilliant*. Played by Carrie Ng with an over-the-top swaggering, cigar-smoking, dominatrix attitude, she comes complete with love-slave, “Baby.” They never have any real sex on screen, but there’s a lot of groping, which is okay too. Despite all of the above, Princess is as femmy as all get out, with a sort of faux-butch thing in her attire which actually is pretty hot. ^_^

It comes to a showdown, of course, between Kitty and Princess, and I won’t give away the end, but it’s spectacular. And here’s why:

One of the absolute finest thing about this movie is the horrendous subtitling job. In fact, this movie is famous for insanely bad subtitles, which add serious points to the amusing cheesy value. Lines like, “You almost shot one of my balls off!” and the greatest line ever to be written into any movie – “I still have time to take the gastric lavage.” These lines really catapult this movie from funny cheesy into brilliant, timeless kitsch.

The lesbian scenes between Sister Cindy and Kitty and *everything* about Princess really helps, too. ^_^

Ratings:

Story – Please, you have got to be kidding
Characters – 9
Cinematography – ??
Martial Arts – hee hee
Yuri – 9

Overall, this movie gets a 9, because it is so wonderfully awful.

This movie is an kitsch/Yuri/Hong Kong fan flick must-see.

Important Note: Avoid the not-really sequel, “Naked Weapon” like the plague it is. There’s a *teeny* bit of Yuri subtext, but the “hero” is the biggest nebbish ever and it’s insulting that the lead heroine sleeps with him…even drugged as she was.)

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One Response

  1. Serge says:

    zOMG, PR1NC355 M4D L33T P1MP1NG 1S T3H B0MB!!!!!

    (Princess’ white pimp outfit with cane and replete with matching strut completely makes the movie for me. :-D).

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