Ah, the perfect thing, to end trash week – Cutey Honey Seed. There are so many things wrong with this series I’m not sure where to begin.

Okay, so, let’s play “let’s pretend.” Let’s pretend that Cutey Honey is nothing more than a wildly successful franchise of anime, manga, live action movies, games and related goods. You know, the kind of things that appeal to lonely otaku… ;-)

Cutey Honey Seed is like the bastard child of every horrible impotent dorky boy – oversexed beautiful babe manga ever. We meet Yuuta, a typical example of otaku-dom. He’s got a beautiful girl living next door, Midori, who is really nice and *obviously* likes him, but hey, he’s too nerdy to actually ask her out or anything. So when an alien crashes nearby and he’s saddled with an even more beautiful girl, he’s paralytic with incompetence. He gives the alien the name Kisaragi Honey, just like his favorite media heroine.

Honey is an alien, therefore naive, innocent and impressionable in every way, except that she gets the “flaunting your body parts” part right. As circumstances require, she develops “super powers” just like the “real” Cutey Honey’s, in order to save herself, Yuuta and his loved ones. After she watches most of Yuuta’s Cutey Honey collection, she ends the volume by transforming as Honey does to please Yuuta – even going so far as to shout “Honey Flash!”.

For his part, Yuuta spends the entire volume being as tiresome as possible, trying to hide Honey’s existence and when that fails, just bald-facedly lie about her, while juggling sexual fantasies about Midori with sexually suggestive situations with Honey that he doesn’t follow up on. For her part, Midori, who stumbles upon Honey almost immediately, thereafter follows up by coming in on Yuuta and Honey in a remarkable number of suggestive positions without once being suspicious or irritated. How nice for Yuuta that the two women in his life are physically sexy without having a single brain cell between the two of them. To the kind of person who shares their evening with blow-up sex toys, these two must look like the perfect mate. Let us not forget the over-sexed teacher, Midori’s hostess mother, and Yuuta’s little sister. Yuuta is surrounded by a whole world of female stereotypes, none of which he will ever go to bed with. How exhausting.

Oh, and the cute actress that plays Cutie Honey in the movies that Yuuta likes is somehow drawn into the story, as well.

This series is written by Go Nagai, but not drawn by him and it looks it. The art is slick, typically harem-shounen-dorky boy with beautiful, frontal lobe-less babe. Nothing like Nagai’s disturbing and surreal take on the human form. In this first volume we’re not given any Panther Claw-type baddies – the emergencies Honey handles range from a pack of tedious guys trying to pick her up for a little light gang rape to Midori’s mom setting the house on fire by falling asleep with a cigarette lit. We can only *pray* for the intrusion of the Panther Claw. No Na-chan. Boo hoo.

Ratings:

Art – 6 It looks like every mediocre harem series ever.
Story – 4 A vaguely interesting meta-twist on on the Honey story
Characters – 1 Seriously, if you think these are good characters, you and I will never, ever be able to be friends
Yuri – 0
Service – 9
Overall – 3

Unless future volumes leap into my lap with a “YURI!” sticker on them, you won’t be seeing any more reviews of this series here.