I feel as if I’ve been flattened by a truck, so I’m going with a “brain need not apply” type manga today, courtesy of Dan P. Battle Club, by Shiozaki Yuji, has all the service of Shiozaki’s other, more well-known series Ikkitousen, without any of the complicating factors, like a plot, character development or sanity.

In Volume 1, we met the cast of characters whose crotches we would be looking at. Welcome to Volume 2, in which several of the untranslated things in the story suddenly and quite unneccesarily, become translated. Why do I say it was unneccesary? Because NOTHING is going to make this story better – not translation, not touch up, nothing. It’s Grade Q crap and I dare you to tell me that you’re reading it for the plot. I know I’m not. I’m reading it for the absurdity, and the occasional flash of Yuri.

Let me just get this out of the way. Dear moron who wrote the front page copy; Lesbian is not the same as bi-curious, and Higuchi is not a lipstick lesbian, no matter how much you think your clever copy is alliteratively alluring.

I’m done. Thank you for your patience.

For the rest of the story, we’re basically watching Tamako get molested as she trains and Mokichi being a loser. With service. In fact there’s so much service here, I’m surprised the book doesn’t get a 4-star AAA rating. (Probably that joke just fell really flat for most of you, but I don’t care. It wasn’t for you.)

Tamako gets her ass kicked by a rival school’s Mukouda, and by Taki in a panda suit and then there’s some service as the women (and Taki) take a bath, then some bits about Mokcihi, but no one cares. Whole hunks of the book are related while coach takes a piss, sometimes accompanied by Mokichi or Taki, because apparently that’s funny.

Yuri is…well, not much. Higuchi remains gay in theory, but we’re not seeing much practice. When she gets defeated by Mukouda, her lesbian cool points take a hit, too and the guys begin to harrass her – because lesbians are only cool when they are invincible. Thank heavens *I’m* still invincible! Shiba shows up primarily to be turned on by Taki and Tamako wrestling naked in the onsen. Well, duh.

Ratings:

Art – 7
Story – 1
Characters – 3
Yuri – 2
Service – Infinity

Overall – 5

How low can you make your expectations go? If you approach Battle Club with expectations like “the word balloons will have words” and “I will see ass shots” you ought to be okay.