I am super jetlagged and whiny (I know, I know, you totally sympathize with me being exhausted from too much food and travel) and here comes Day, riding up like a heroic white charger horsegirl, ready to save you from me making too many unfunny horse jokes. So let’s saddle up and Day will will lead us along the bridle path of Umamusume, streaming free and legally, with regional restrictions on Crunchyroll.

“In an alternate world which resembles our own in every respect but one – there are horse girls (the titular umusume) – we meet Special Week, a young horse girl headed off for the big city, where she plans to pursue her dream of becoming the “best horse girl in Japan”. Challenged early to define what this means, Special Week (nicknamed Spe-chan) flounders a bit before deciding that it surely involves running very, very quickly. And, she hopes, at some point running very, very quickly with her personal idol, Silence Suzuka, a popular and successful fellow horse girl. Silence Suzuka, it turns out, is also her room-mate at her fancy Tokyo training school, where horse girls from all over Japan train hard to participate in the horse girl racing circuit in Japan and abroad. Thus begins Spe-chan’s quest.

I went into Umamusume expecting a complete trashfest. I am shocked and happy to announce on the other end that that isn’t remotely what I got. Instead, Umamusume is a good-natured sports show which is quirky and typical in about equal measure, as it hits many of the usual tropes of the sports genre even as it throws in some more unpredictable plot elements. On the one hand, Spe-chan’s story is largely that of the spunky underdog who makes good on her dreams; on the other, Suzuka’s experience of triumph followed by near-tragedy, and how that interacts with Spe-chan’s own ups and downs, presents us with a rival whose story doesn’t simply end with their defeat by the protagonist.

And then there’s the fun details, in everything from the fact that the girls all nail horseshoes to regular shoes to the oversized telephone handsets perfectly designed for top-of-the-head horse ears. Every girl has her own special racing outfit, none of which are at all suited to running. And then there are the more alarming details, like the fact that, just like real horses(!), a horse girl who falls during a race can very easily die from it. Oh, and, lest anyone become upset if they discover this when watching and not because I forewarned – the single stupidest element of the mobage from which this was adapted has been preserved, so, yes, we get a few post-race idol concerts. You can skip them all.

As I mention having anticipated trashiness, the relative dearth of fanservice bears mention. In fact, there is so little fanservice that I wouldn’t even be mentioning it at all if the property didn’t look like the sort that would have a lot of it. Unlike many of its kin, Umamusume proves fully capable of showing off athletic girls without treating the audience to extended locker-room sequences, and there’s nary a dreaded bloomer in sight when everyone dons their training uniforms.

Having said that, we do get a few stabs at the ol’ “guy mistaken for pervert” routine, and its just as tiresome as every other time we’ve seen it. And while this “gag” disappears by episode three, subsequent developments just make it worse, as the guy thus mistaken is the otherwise decent and solidly-handled coach, known, bizarrely, only as “Trainer-san”. (I can only assume this is a carry-over from the icky tendency of idol shows to have all the girls merely addressing their producer as “Producer-san”.) I hated him off the bat, but by the end I was just irritated that the production crew were so committed to checking boxes that they did a disservice to the character. It was especially galling in light of the great rapport which develops between him and fellow trainer Hana Toujo, a dynamic which manages to steer clear of the misogyny-tinged nature seen in other similar shows wherein a man and a woman are up against each other in training young women in a competitive realm.

Yuri is pure subtext. Am I surprised? No, I really am not – but I am a bit disappointed, as the years-old PV gave us a smooching couple performing a pairs figure skating routine. The characters who were thus featured there are relegated to peripheral roles here. Spe-chan and Suzuka form a close bond which begins as idol worship, wraps into codependence, and finally emerges as one between equal partners by the close of the series, but the show is satisfied to leave it up to us to draw the obvious conclusion. Beyond that, Spe-chan has two mommies, although one of them is dead and may’ve had sex with a man at some point, given Spe-chan’s existence (“may’ve” because in the first episode we’re informed that horse girls come about as… impregnation by the gods, or something? Its a little vague on the details!). Also, there’s a character who is Oscar de Jarjayes, but a horse girl. Everyone is in love with her.

Production values overall are… not great. In an era of visually impressive sports shows like Haikyuu, Yuri on Ice, and Hanebado!, Umamusume is distinctly lackluster. Character designs tend toward the cookie cutter, and racing sequences range from merely acceptable to awkward. At least, though, this was one of the once in a blue moon moments where P.A. Works opted to leave the lacquer at home.

Taken altogether, Umamusume is a sports anime that is probably best thought of as being pretty standard for the genre in spite of the seeming oddity of the premise. However, its good-spirited nature, combined with just enough deviations from the norm in terms of plotting, leaves something better than the sum of its parts. While I won’t feel any great grief if no more is made, I’d watch a second season in a heartbeat.

Art – 5
Story – 6
Characters – 6
Yuri – 3
Service – 2

Overall – 7

Erica here: “Also, there’s a character who is Oscar de Jarjayes, but a horse girl.” LOLOLOLOL. Thank you, thank you. I will never watch this anime, but I am so very glad I was able to read this review! Now I can ride off into the sunset….