In Tamifull’s Yuri drama Tsukiatte Agetemo Iikana, Volume 4 (付き合ってあげてもいいかな), we are confronted with something we don’t see very often at all in Yuri…two people who may just not be compatible sexually.
When we met Saeko and Miwa, we guessed that they each had some less than wonderful sexual experiences when they were young, (as so many gay people do, if we were trying to have straight sex,) but that does not explain what is going on with Saeko and Miwa now. Yes, their timing is bad and yes, they are both busy. But when they have the time and are in the mood, they still don’t seem to be matching up well…and it’s poisoning their relationship. What’s worse is that they genuinely like and probably love one another.
Saeko is obsessed with this, but can’t see her way through it. Miwa is aware that there is a problem, but every time they get close to talking about it, something comes up. And again, they are busy and there are exams and live performances and past regrets and million other things that get in the way. Saeko can only see one alternative, so she suggests that they break up.
And…while Saeko and Miwa are trying to balance all of this with their club, and friends, and work, they are not the only people who have complicated lives. This story is much less a romance now, and much more a survey of the infinite complexity of human emotions.
Ratings:
Art – 8
Story – 8 More complicated with every volume
Characters – 7 I’m still rooting for everyone, but not sure I actually like anyone
Yuri – 7 / LGBTQ – 6 It’s getting queerer
Service – 4
Overall – 8
I find myself no longer rooting for them as a couple, although I am rooting for them as individuals. Maybe, if we and they are to be honest, they shouldn’t be together. I’ve certainly known plenty of people like that in real life. They make great friends – even friends who have sex – but aren’t a great couple. What if their individual pathologies just…clash? What if they just aren’t compatible? What if the “might have been”s and the “well, maybe”s are keeping them from moving on? You can tune in to Shogakukan’s webcomic site UraSunday to keep up with current chapters in Japanese and find out..
This series has been licensed in English – How Do We Relationship?, Volume 1 is on sale now from Viz Media!
Well, I didn’t read this manga (I’m still thinking about buying the first volume), but personally I think that if this work at least tries to show possible pitfalls of the relationship, then it costs a lot. For example, recently, I saw one yuri manga literally trying to say that physical attraction = love, and if one woman from sex friends wants to be a couple with another, then the second is obliged to do this.
And this is not to mention the many straight or yuri SoL, which implies that if you have a sympathy for someone nice, then this is true love forever. It is not surprising that even shonen are now criticizing this.
The romance genre in any culture is generally not known for healthy, realistic portrayals of how regular folks fall in love. It’s generally an outlet for over-the-top fantasy and cascading emotions that are entertaining/titillating to watch rather than especially healthy.
That said, I do agree with one of your points in that I definitely look askance at the way anime and manga fetishizes “dibs” in romance. It’s not uncommon for characters to directly express the idea that you should “accept the feelings of” the person who confesses to you first, no matter what, and if you don’t that means there’s something wrong with you (often code for “slutty” in a negative way). Also, that if you didn’t get there first, you’re SoL and need to move on. I am not sure how much if that is informed by real-life Japanese cultural differences, and how much by the otaku obsession with “purity” as a virtue.
I understand that a lot of this is intentional idealization, especially in youth fiction. It’s just that often, at least for me, attachment to the character often makes the plot perception very sensitive, especially in case of problematic or toxic tropes. This is similar to the parent’s experience when you are unhappy with your child’s “unequal” relationship.
I’m not Japanese, therefore I can’t speak with great confidence about Japanese culture, but it seems to me that if Mari Okada has devoted more than 2-3 titles to the fact that people don’t necessarily reciprocate your kindness/help and you should be able to move on, then this is can be a common problem.
But Okada is a feminist, so this is a special case. Many animes and manga just say “be nice to your love interest” and those supposedly guaranteed to fall madly in love with you.Or even worse, “don’t be afraid to be aggressive, your crush already loves you, just hides it.”