Sometimes you’re just in the mood for a bit of French lesbian film noir. And then The Girl is exactly what you’re looking for. (At the moment, I’m looking for it too – my copy seems to have walked off after Onna! ^_^;)

But I digress. The Girl is a lovely piece of lesbian pulp film that manages to be fun and goofy and still remain sexy and slick.

Butchy Agathe De La Boulaye (who is just lovely in her clothes) falls for cabaret singer Claire Keim. I know – could it get ANY more stereotypical!? Keim’s male lover is not about to take this kind of insult sitting down, so sexy sulky stalking escalates into violence and a typically Gallic ending. Because The Girl plays out like a smoky, liquor-scented pulp novel, you can relax and watch the pretty, pretty people with low mental commitment, but high pleasure.

Even the director’s comments are interesting – this is just about the only DVD I’ve ever bothered watching the movie with the commentary, and I enjoyed it. It wasn’t a lesson in directing or anything, but the stories that make up the filming of this low-budget, tight-deadline lesbian noir are, in their own way, as good a yarn as the movie itself.

Ratings:

Cinematography: 8 (espcially considering the budget and deadlines)
Characters – 7
Story – 7
Yuri – 10
Service – 3 (Its much too arty for boy porn)

Overall – 8 and a bowl of popcorn.

Wish I could find my damn copy. ^_^

D.E.B.S. is a really cute idea with one massively huge fatal flaw.

The movie, in case you don’t know, is a longer version based on a short of the same name that made the rounds of G/L/B/T film fests a few years ago. The short got a lot of positive feedback, and the director, Angela Robinson, got funding for a longer movie-length version. The premise in both is the same – that there is an elite force of schoolgirls who fight evil and blah blah blah. Oh, and wear fetish versions of a Catholic school uniform. Of course.

Here is the official “Product Description” from the Amazon website, because frankly, it says it all, fairly coherently:

Sultry crime boss Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster, The Fast and the Furious) is back in the states (sic) and the D.E.B.S.- an elite team of paramilitary college co-ed superspies- are hot on her trail. But when their top agent, gorgeous Amy Bradshaw (Sara Foster, The Big Bounce), mysteriously disappears after coming face to face with the attractive young villainess, the D.E.B.S. begin a full-scale search for Lucy’s secret lair, never suspecting that Amy may not want to be rescued after all, in this smart and sexy spy spoof about love at first gun sight.

Okay. That about covers the plot in PR-speak. Here’s the good and bad.

Notably, the first time the DEBS are surveilling Lucy, they think she’s meeting a top assasin to plot someting evil. In fact, she’s on a blind date. I thought that was amusing.

And that’s what this movie is – amusing. It’s not really *good*, or well-acted or well-written or anything, but it is a nice hour+ worth of entertainment.

The attraction between Lucy and Amy is pretty solid. When they kiss it looks just like a kiss. They don’t kiss *enough*, but we are led to believe that they do more than that, with the usual implied bed scene. (I notice that this movie is rated PG-13. For once, I actually agree that the rating is spot on.) So no heavy bed scenes, but you know, it wouldn’t have made this movie better, and woud have just gotten tiresome, so it’s no loss to overall enjoyment.

Now, here’s the fatal flaw – the prologue of the movie tells us that buried within the SAT test is another test, the one the D.E.B.S. organization uses to recruit possible operatives. Amy, our lead, is supposed to have been the “perfect score.” They beat this to DEATH in the movie, bludgeoning both Amy and the viewer with the concept repeatedly. In frustration, Amuy finally asks what the test tested.

This is a multi-part flaw.

1) They told us in the prologue what it tested. So, how bad is our short-term memory?

The test tested the ability to lie.

2) Why would “lying” be a good quality for a spy? I’d much prefer to have someone with superior tactical abilities than someone who could lie. Also someone who could shoot, stay up for days on end without sleep, and who had excellent hearing, eyesight and memory. But that’s just me.

Now – these two complaints are just “hand-waves.” WE know what the test tested – maybe the characters don’t. And “lying” may just be the simplification for a complex set of skills. So these are not fatal flaws, just minor ones. HOWEVER…

3) Amy is the most miserable liar EVER, in all the history of girls sneaking out after curfew and lying about it. She’s nervous, awkward, obvious, uncreative and guilty. Exactly the opposite of the “perfect” liar.

So…kaboom. Fatal flaw. Watching Amy screw up the biggest lie of her life, as she rejects Lucy publicly (in a stupid, overcomplex and drawn out end scene) was excruciating. If I had been writing it, she’d have lied like a champ, then swung off in Lucy’s arms kissing her evil lover soundly in front of everyone. But that’s me. Instead they went for the tired and true “hurting Lucy’s feelings, but then repudiating the lie and going off with her”-type ending.

In any case, the girl got the girl. But the flaw really killed the end.

So, having said that, Lucy was as wondeful as Amy was awful. She made the movie watchable. And the silly love affair that crops up between Lucy’s henchdude and Amy’s co-D.E.B., was pointless and kinda cute.

I found the music video school uniforms very obnoxious, and the actresses were either hamming up everything, or just not very good at doing things like holding a gun steady, but as this was very clearly meant to be a completely over-the-top comedy parody, all those things are forgiven.

Ratings:

Story – 7
Characters (Good Guys) – 5
Characters (Bad Guys)- 7
Cinematography – 5
Yuri – 8

Overall – 7

D.E.B.S. would make a great comic book, or even novel, with the right writer. Stupid fun, no brain cells need apply. But just lovely for a rainy Sunday afternoon and a cuddle on the couch. It just BEGS for fanfic – I’m sure there’s plenty, and I don’t want to read any of it. ^_^

There is no Yuri in Densha Otoko. Let me just get that out of the way. However, it is so very worth of watching that I wanted to review it anyway.

For the three of you who have not run into in Densha Otoko, (Train Man in English), let me summarize the plot:

A dorky otaku sees a beautiful woman on a train. A druken man accosts said woman and the otaku has the balls to tell the old dude to stop. (In Japan, where it is common for people to ignore untoward things – heck in ANY city, really – this is a fairly significant thing). The woman sends the otaku a thank you note, and he asks a BBS channel for advice. With the help of all his “friends” on the chan, he ends up with the girl.

This story is supposed to be “based on” a real story. I found a really fun and bitter blog that thinks its a big ole fake. The channel, 2-chan, is familiar to most otaku, from America as well as Japan. The board does, indeed exist, and the messages as well…but the above blog thinks they were planted. But I think he missed the point. He’s convinced its a massive conspiracy – I’m convinced its a *well-written story.*

And that’s why I’m reviewing it. This, if it indeed is based upon a real story, probably has as much connection to it as the movie version of Last of the Mohicans did to the book. Which is to say, damned little. But as a drama? Oh my GOD was this an AMAZING story.

It is, at its heart, a love story. It’s a story about beauties and beasts and how sometimes the beauties are beasts inside and vice versa. It’s a story about how online communities and friendships are as important, as solid and as real as any other. And it’s a story about otaku life. From idol photo sessions, to bulletin boards, to figurines, maid cafes, seiyuu obsession, Comiket and everything, it’s about the life that I, and many other otaku have. And above all – it’s about being okay with who you are.

So much of anime is about average people in non-average situations. This story is about a horribly dysfunctionally non-average person in an average situation, which leaves him just about crippled. I mean, really, how many average guys would have a hard time calling a woman and asking her out?

On second thought don’t answer that.

Anwyay, for THIS man, it’s almost inconceivable, but he does it. And even after he “comes out” as an otaku – his words, “come out” – she accepts him.

In one of the many omake to this drama, two of his otaku friends, who are exceptionally horrible, (^_^;) enact his confession scene and end up kissing as a result. It was the most awful, funny train-wreck-but-I-can’t-stop-watching BL service scene I’d ever, ever seen. I loved it.

One other thing that has to be worth noting: the opening sequence is an homage to a very early Gainax animation sequence which is often referred to as “legendary”. The Wikipedia entry on Densha Otoko gives a nice summary of why, so I won’t bother plagiarizing. But the music cracks me up, I have to admit. We have both the Styx and ELO albums used in the series sitting on the shelf below my, yes, turntable.

To sum up – this series is BRILLIANT. If you are an otaku…not just a fan, but a rabid fan with more figurines, manga, DVDs, games, plushies, artbooks, etc than you know what to do with…watch this. Seriously.

Ratings:

Cinematography – 8
Story – 9
Characters – 9 (especially the Hanshin Tigers fanatic. He was my fave.)
Yuri – 0
Service – 1, even though it is about the stereotypical otaku.

I don’t think I’ve cried as much, as happily, for anything else I’ve ever watched. Ever.

Last up for my live-action reviews this time is a GREAT movie based on a novel that I reviewed on May 10, 2006.

Right off the bat, let me say that the Yuri in this movie is next to nil. It is an exceptional portrayal of the concept of shinyuu, however. There’s a space in Japanese culture, where girls and women can be very close – and touchy – and bound emotionally, without there necessarily being “lesbian” under- or overtones. This relationship can, depending on the women, continue for nigh on ever. Realistically, this is the space where the soeur relationships of Maria-sama ga Miteru exist. In the west, we rarely see this kind of girl pal-iness. Thelma and Louise explored the area a bit – and you know what happened there. In order for them to keep that relationship and their own worldviews intact, they had to die. Just as the western fandom of that movie persisted in seeing lesbian themes in Thelma and Louise (despite the overt heterosexuality of the women) so does the fandom of shinyuu-themed anime, manga, Japanese live action movies and TV shows persist in seeing lesbian themes in what are not, really, meant to be lesbian at all.

As I am one of those fans, it seems logical to me. ^_^

But really, Shimotsuma Monogatari, which is being released as Kamikaze Girls in the west, is not Yuri, unless you squint hard. Turning up the Yuri goggles doesn’t help too much because it’s hard to stop laughing long enough to see sexual tension between Ichiko and Momoko.

Briefly, Shimotsuma Monogatari is a story about a girl who lives a Gothic Lolita lifestyle with her loser small-time criminal Dad and crazy grandmother way out in the boondocks. Momoko details the circumstances of her conception, birth and the travails of being a GothLoli in a place where everyone shops at the local Jusco (think Wal-Mart) for everything. Through a series of bizarre circumstances, Momoko meets gang girl Ichiko, who is right out of a mid-80’s Hana no Asuka-gumi type motorcycle gang. Ichiko befriends Momoko, despite Momoko’s protests, and the movie goes forward as a journey for the two of them; with short rest stops in love, violence, pachinko and, of course, friendship.

Apparently this movie has won all sorts of awards, and I can totally understand why. From script to acting to cinematography to music, this movie was *brilliant.* It’s almost completely free of the miserable pacing so many Japanese live action movies suffer from. If they had edited it to about 9 minutes shorter, it would have been perfect. As it was, it was damned excellent.

Honestly, there are so many good things about this movie, I can hardly begin to ennumerate them. The funny lines are funnier if you just see them. The pre-order for this movie on Amazon is $16.99. If you and three friends go in together on the DVD, you’ll pay $5/each, so don’t give me crap about not being able to afford it. :-) Rent it, buy it, borrow it – see it. Trust me – this is one a genuine “must-see.”

Ratings:
Cinematography – 9
Character – 9
Story – 9
Music – 8 (Yoko Kanno…)
Yuri – 2
Service – 2

The Yuri rating and Service ratings are basically the same thing this time. Only those of us who can’t stop seeing Yuri everywhere are gonna see it here, and that’s us. ^_^