Presented for your derision, the worst of the Yuri Hime cell phone manga and my first entry to the Yuri Hall of Shame, Japanese edition, Johnouchi Nene’s Otome Senshi Lovely 5!.

You may recognize Johnouchi Nene’s name from the Apple Day Dream series in Yuri Hime and Yuri Hime S, a series which I have never reviewed, or indeed, even purchased as a collected volume on account of the fact that I think it’s intolerably dull. I fought with myself over purchasing this title, and clearly the wrong side won that battle.

The basic plot of the story isn’t too hideous – cute Sweet Lolita wants to avoid wearing the boring school uniform (ironically, the *exact* same “plot” as the Tiara Bunko Light Novel I’m reading right now) and decides to create a sentai group to fight for cute things.

It’s not the plot that’s the problem – it’s everything else.

As you may know, I adore Fujieda Miyabi for his costume design skills as much as his characters. He has a real way with fashion, subtly highlighting a character’s feminity or masculinity without giant flashing arrows pointing to their secondary sexual characterisics. In just about every possible way Johnounchi Nene is the exact opposite. Her designs are ill-conceived; tortured, ugly even on their intended victims and not only have giant flashing arrows pointing at crotches and chests, but force us to look in those directions again and again, as if we might somehow not notice.

Her characters mix irresponsible, unrealistic BDSM – admittedly, the kind that’s most fun to read, but this falls short in that as well – with illegal relationships and uncomfortable situations, and then pounds us with gigantic breasts on top of all that, because there wasn’t *enough* fetishtry to keep our attention.

And to top it all off, the bad guy is a woman running around the school naked, trying to strip the Senshi of their frills to…are you sitting?…not drinking anything?…. SAVE THE PLANET. The moral of the story is that while Goth-Loli might not be ecologically sound, running around the school naked means a loser is you. Well, duh.

The only relationship in the entire series I didn’t want to see end in flames was the teacher and the pop singer who physically and emotionally abuses her. That one was okay.

In the end, the one big question was – which color would Momoka be? (Since, of course, each member of a sentai group has to be a color.) Given her name was Momoka, I could be forgiven for yawning and guessing she’s be in pink, but hah on me, because she’s Otome Senshi Lovely Rose.

Ratings:

Art – 4
Story – 2
Characters – 3
Yuri – 8
Service – 230,007

Overall – 3

I think I sprained my eyes rolling them, I really do.

This book was so good, that I’m giving it away. Here’s how to enter:

In the comments field, tell me what color and Loli style you would be as a Goth-Loli Senshi. Check back on the next Saturday YNN Report (not tomorrow, the one after that) for the winner, who can email me to  get this book out of my house get their prize! You must be 18 to enter.

In Volume 3 of Gokujou Drops (極上ドロップス) Komari is sexually harrassed by every human being she interacts with, and is suddenly parted from Yukio with no communication between them for the 437th time.

This time, it’s serious. Yukio’s mother is disgusted by the news that she’s living – and sleeping – with some nobody at school. She determined to force Yukio to transfer and marry her off as soon as possible. But Komari braves the labyrinth once again and saves Yukio – with the deus ex machina of an aunt that had been a former resident of the Haraizo Dorm and letter from Yukio’s off-scene father.

I am so done with this series. There’s nothing even remotely interesting in Volume 3, it’s a tired rehash of everything from the first two volumes. Komari being forcibly undressed by just about anyone who walks by was always tedious – now its plain old, old and tired. The art is the same, the sex (consensual and non-consensual) is the same; the crying, the non-secrets, the snuggling – its all the exact same.

As I mentioned, the cell phone manga collections from Ichijinshi weren’t great this time around. This wasn’t the worst of them, however – that’s still to come. ^_^

Rather than spend your money on Volume 3, you can just re-read Volume 1 and Volume 2 over and save your money for something better.

Ratings:

Art – 6
Story – 5
Characters – 5
Yuri – 8
Service – 8

Overall – 5

Sexual harassment isn’t a particularly good plot complication, much less an entire *plot.*

But hey – here’s an opportunity for a enthusiastic fan, if Vol. 4 comes out, I won’t be getting it, so we’ll need a guest review!

Hiromi is a tomboy. She prefers pants to skirts, likes to be physically active and, as a child watching Ribon no Kishi, she wanted to be that Princess Knight.

When a beautiful, but somewhat brusque, new student transfers into her class, Hiromi finds herself defending, then befriending Juli. Juli calls Hiromi “Romeo” and casts herself as Hiromi’s Juliette.

Hiromi is disturbed to find that she is on the one hand, caught up in Juli’s apparent delusion about them as a couple, while on the other, having actual feelings for the other girl. Juli’s behavior is not in any way helping as she alternately voids Hiromi’s boundaries while simultaneously drawing clear battle lines around the two of them, cutting Hiromi off from the rest of her friends.

When the school festival rolls around, it’s no surprise that Hiromi is Romeo and Juli is Juliette in their class play. Hiromi finds herself increasingly uncomfortable being cast as a “prince” by the people around her, even though that was what she wanted for herself as a child. She does want to be with and protect Juli, but she also wants to be seen as Hiromi and not some construct, “Romeo.”

During the death scene in the play, Juli kisses Hiromi, who reacts wth surprised violence. Mortified, Hiromi stays home from school until her best friend Maki comes to collect her some days later. She finds Juli has become the center of a storm of harassment and abuse in her absence. When Hiromi shows up, Juli’s emotional damn breaks and Hiromi rushes to hold and comfort her. The rest of the class can only watch as Hiromi and Juli become an actual couple, despite the rumor and innuendo.

Juli’s behavior is no less delusional, but now Hiromi is willing to give in more, since she’s decided that she definitely wants Juli. After Juli tearfully admits that she’ll be moving away at the end of the year, Hiromi and she spend the night together.

After graduation, Hiromi transfers into a new school – a traditional private girls’ school. Her boyishness is no less popular that it was, but she’s resigned to it. She’s told that a new student is transferring in but when she hears a shout of annoyance, disbelievingly, she runs into the next classroom to see Juli sitting there, her hair shorn – a way to keep Hiromi with her while they were apart. They go running out of the room to find a quiet place where they reuinite with a kiss.

So, yes, this had a happy ending, but it wasn’t all that enjoyable. Juli’s lack of respect for Hiromi’s boundaries and manipulative behavior made it hard for me to ever really believe she was in love with Hiromi. Instead, I kept feeling as though she never really saw the real Hiromi at all and was only in love with the Romeo she’d made up in her head. Hiromi’s feelings were equally as difficult to accept, because I can’t be really happy about her falling in love with someone so high maintenance and, well, crazy. I’ve seen this in real life and yes, the relationship can go on for decades, but it isn’t going to be pretty…and everyone around it is *doomed.*

Just about the only thing I really liked was the balance in the beginning scene, as Hiromi is told of a cool new transfer student by her friend Maki and the final scene in which her new henchgirl in the new school tells her about the cool new transfer student.

Sora-iro Girlfriend (空色ガールフレンド) is another collection of a Yuri Hime cell phone comic. Unlike the others, it’s low on the sex, but makes up for it with no-less-creepy-for-being-realistic Lesbian Drama.

Ratings:

Art – 6
Story – 5
Characters – 5
Yuri – 8
Service – 2

I’m not loving this batch of the cell phone comics. This manga was the best of them…. /sob/

The second half of Volume 18 of Comic Yuri Hime is what you’ve all been waiting for – Sarasa and Seriho’s first official date, in this chapter of “Ame-iro Kouchakan Kanadan!” Fujieda does what he he does best – he shows them wandering around, shopping, eating and generally doing the kind of stuff my wife and I call “Playing House.” You know – the stuff you almost never see female couples doing in Yuri series. Sarasa is wholly unaware that Seriho has an agenda, trying to suss out Sarasa’s feelings for her. So used to hiding what she feels, Sarasa has no idea that Seriho thinks that she, Sarasa is, “normal” and the only one in love is Seriho.

Ayumi likes Miki in “Yuri Yuri,” but Miki tells her it’s gross. They play passive-agressive for a while, until Miki’s homophobia turns out to really be sublimated love for Ayumi. Bwah-bwah-bwahhhh.

In “Apple Day Dream” Yuma is marginally less passive-aggressive to Kaoru than usual. And I swear her name has been Mayu this whole time, until now, so either I’ve been dyslexic this whole time, or it suddenly switched for some reason. Either explanation is probable. :-)

In this chapter of the Nekodome Mansion saga, a younger girl finally gains the courage to tell the older girl she’s loved since she was a child know how she feels – just in time to see her married off by her father. But don’t worry, they can have their little something on the side, after all, it’s a marriage of convenience and they really love each other. Stories like this make me wonder about that age-old double standard for men who are, in most cultures, encouraged to have women on the side, but women aren’t supposed to ever cheat. Once again, I really don’t get you straight women, putting up with that crap.

Kagura makes cookies and Sukune-‘neesan eats them, but still has no idea who Kagura is in “Soulphage,” which is failing to appeal to me on any level.

Creo’s breasts are suddenly three times larger than ever before in “Creo the Crimson Crises” and frankly, I was so distracted by and distressed by this I have no idea at all what happened. It involved Suoh crying a lot.

There’s a little series of reviews about Yuri series that make you cry. I can honestly say that none of the series I’d read in the section made me even a little weepy. :-)

In a surprising turn of events, Hakamada Mera’s “Sore ga Kimi ni Naru” pairs unlikely couple Kyou and Amane, the older woman who burst into tears ar seeing Kyou last chapter, over a meal. Kyou is smart enough to see that *something* is up, but Amane really surprises her by coming right out and saying that she was once in love with a girl who looks just like Kyou.

Tae is having an even harder time than before finding her place in Yui’s life, now that they’ve returned to Tokyo in “Mizu-iro Cinema.” Yui’s busy on shoots and Tae’s flailing a bit trying to figure out where to be and what to do. When rooting aimlessly around Yui’s apartment, Tae finds a discarded photo of Yui and another girl. She keeps it in order to have a photo of Yui, but perhaps missing the larger implication. Coming home from a day out together, they are both – for different reasons – surprised to find the girl in the photo standing at the door of Yui’s apartment building. Here’s my new rule for series like this – it can do anything it wants right now, but it *may not* make Tae cry. Or I will be very unhappy with it.

“Himekoi” has a lot of screaming and pages of breast obsession. I note that “Nanako to Misuzu” has left the building. I guess it found a better reception over at Yuri Hime S. “Himekoi” seems to be the replacement “crrrraaazzzyyyy, wacky things and lots of screaming” series.

Adrienne is a cameraman on a shoot for an ero-photo book and finds herself improbably involved with one of the models in “Aka-me Adrienne.”

Definitely more good than bad and some interesting things going on in the pages of Yuri Hime these days!

Overall – 9