Holiday Sale on 100% Yuri from ALC Publishing!

December 1st, 2007

Trying to find that perfect gift for the Yuri lover (or soon to be fan) in your life? ALC Publishing to the rescue with discounts on all of the Yuri Monogatari series on the Yuricon Shop!

We’ve sliced prices so you can get just the right gift for just the right person including up to 50% off selected copies of our best-seller Rica ‘tte Kanji!?. Don’t forget to get yourself a copy of our newest anthology, Yuri Monogatari 5 while you’re at it! Happy Yuri-days from everyone at ALC!

ALC Publishing – Where the girl always gets the girl.



Lesbian Novel: The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories

November 30th, 2007

I know I’m not the only person to have marathoned a gazillion pulp novels and thought, “I gotta write me one of those.” But Alisa Surkis and Monica Nolan had an even better idea. They thought “I gotta write me ALL of those.” And so they did.

The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories is a completely unsubtle, totally over the top parody of every lesbian pulp plotline ever. From wartime barracks hijinks, to freckle-faced girls on the farm to the sleazy criminal underworld, with side trips into the depression dust bowl, the shtetl of the Lower East Side in New York and a new age womyn’s commune. And horses. Oh yes, every story includes a horse, sometimes under preposterous circumstances. All of the horses are beautiful in a nearly sexual way, except for Herschel the Wonder Horse who was definitely the best – and smartest – character in the book.

If you’re new to lesbian pulp novels, this book might not make a huge impression on you, but after reading some of the best of the breed (Women’s Barracks) and some of the silliest (Intimate Story of a Lesbian) you just know *exactly* what these authors are parodying.

I really can’t express how funny this book is, so I’m not going to try. I’m going to let it speak for itself. Here are a few choice quotes from some of the stories:

“Yes, I can be useful, woman though I am! Even because of the woman I am – a woman not like other women. But how not like other women – what kind of a woman am I? Will I meet other women like me, who can tell me what kind of a woman I am? Or will it be a woman unlike myself, who will show me what kind of woman I can be?”

“The whole car was stuffed so full of their belongings, the clothing, farm-tools and the bits of furniture they’d been able to take from the farm in Oklahoma after the bank foreclosed, that there was hardly any room for Ma, Pa, Uncle Jo-Jo, the five Budd children and Grandma Jennie.”

This story had the added charm of things like, “You won’t really understand dialectic materialism until you’ve heard it explained by Jack Rosenblum, who you may know as Pedro the Singing Bandit.”

And here’s Herschel the Wonder Horse, known as “Johhny Apple”: “…they had been selling fruit outside the yeshiva on 14th Street. Some of the young scholars were arguing over the Talmud, and one of them had quoted a passage incorrectly. He had paid no attention to Johnny Apple’s indignant snorts, and not until an overripe peach knocked his yarmulke off did he realize his error.”

Perhaps these don’t seem funny to you (especially the bits in, say, Yiddish) but I was laughing like a howler monkey. I read these, and many other lines out loud as we sat and stared at the Caribbean eat the spit of sand we were sitting on.

Book funny. Go read. And for heaven’s sake, please don’t take it seriously, like the first reviewer on the Amazon webpage did! It’s BROAD satire. Pun intended.

Ratings:

Overall – perfect beach reading.



Yuri Manga: Strawberry Marshmallow, Volume 4

November 28th, 2007

Hi Hi! Miu Matsuoka here, the most adorable of all girls in the entire world! Yay!

I’m supposed to thank some guy named Ted for something. Beats me why, and what kind of name is “Ted” anyway? Let’s call him…Greenie, no, wait, Bellboy! Thanks, Bellboy, for whatever it was that I was supposed to thank you for!

I’m here to tell you what Strawberry Marsmallow, Volume 4, is about, and since it’s obviously about *me*, you ought to appreciate my personal appearance.

First, some weirdo pervy saleman harrasses me and the others, and I had to teach him a lesson about being a freak near cute, innocent girls like me. And I managed to score a really nice case of makeup, too.

Then I explored my creative side with some awesome manga that I drew. (Aside from being cute and athletic, I am also incredibly talented as an artist. It’s hard to find such a rare genius as I.) Of course, because I’m way ahead of the curve artistically, no one was mature enough to appreciate my work. Pfft.

Matsuri had a really disturbed dream about me as a dog. I really worry about that girl. And then Chika thought she was getting fat. I helped her work it off with some sage advice about exercise. Nobue ruined it all by pointing out that Chika had gotten taller. Really, she’s a total joykill.

Chika totally needs to be a little more vain, because every time I write on her face, hours go by before she notices. ^_^

Nobue worries me too. Seriously. She’s always hanging out with me and the younger kids and she never seems to go out. I came up with a genius plan to get her to dress all girly and get ready for a date, just in case a guy should ever, one day, want to. Like that will ever happen.

Oh, this was a good one! Matsuri, Ana and Nobue went back to school to get Mats’ recorder. Chika and I tried to scare them, but Nobue totally got us back. It was awesome.

Then there’s some school life stuff. I slept through most of it, so it’s kind of boring.

And then we were all stuck inside and I tried to come up with some excellent amusement for Nobue and myself. Chika didn’t appreciate it. Man, that girl can deliver a beatdown when’s she’s mad.

In between all the great stuff I did, there were these questions and answers that we had to do. I was brilliant as usual. And you know what, Ana’s a super bore. Nobue really needs to look for a domestic beauty, such as myself.

Ratings:

Art – This is *me* we’re talking about! 10, at least. 11, since, me.
Story – Not bad, although there was a little too much Matsuri – 8
Characters – Me – 10, Nobue – 10, Chika – 9, Matsuri – 3, Ana – 2
Yuri – mmmm….I like Nobue, and Chika’s sort of my soulmate, but I swing both ways, so – 4
Service – like that pervy salesman guy? Ewww. – 5

Overall – The bits with me, 8, definitely

I think you should get this book and send me fanmail. But there’s no way I’m giving you my email or anything. Just contact my agent and don’t bother me with your drivel. I’m much too important to deal with the likes of you.



Claymore Anime

November 25th, 2007

I’m back from vacation, and lightly toasted marshmallow in color. I learned that if you have to order a drink by color, it’s not so good. I dubbed my purple drink the “Robitussin Colada.” But all the other colors were good. Orange was my favorite – they made a mean Tequila Sunset.

I want to be perfectly clear about today’s review. I am reviewing the Claymore anime because while appreciate everyone suggesting I watch it, I’m kind of tired explaining to people why I didn’t think it was all that, much less a bag of chips.

I was told by *many* people how awesome and win Claymore was before I watched it, but since I never really listen to anyone, I had no great expectations for it. I was not disappointed. I can only conjecture that the reason that so many people thought it was brilliant is that I am 20 year older than all of you and I was around for the great Fantasy wave of the 70s and 80s. There was nothing at all unique about Claymore that I could see. The territory it covered has been done many many times over. And more gay-ly too – see Mercedes Lackey’s books. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t awful. It just wasn’t “teh awesome.” If you weren’t around when every single author in the world was churning out long series of Sword-and-Sorcery, D&D-ish, Lord of the Rings-esque quest style books, then you will probably think it’s pretty cool.

Claymore is a sword-and-demon quest story. The great warriors are all female, all half-demon themselves, called by the uncommonly expository and helpfully prejudiced and hateful villagers “Claymores.” Which described their swords well enough. There are 47 Claymores at any one time, and their own organization also helpfully exploits and neglects them, so we have two quests for vengeance. Our protagonist, Clare, has a tragic backstory in which her family is slaughtered, her village rejects her and she becomes the protege of the coolest, most powerful Claymore extent, Teresa.

There’s pretty much no question that the Teresa/Clare arc is the best bit of the story. Teresa is undoubtedly cool. Clare grows less annoying as the arc goes on. It has to end tragically, of course. Duh. ^_^

So now we are supposed to understand why Clare picks up Raki, a kid with the same tragic backstory as her own. Unfortunately for us, Raki is also a huge whiner. Pretty much any scene without Raki was good.

The main theme of the anime is Clare’s quest to grow stronger to avenge Teresa. It’s a decent enough plot, completely with lots of power-ups, team-building and traveling – all the usual elements of a good D&D story. The voice actresses are good to excellent, with four of my top five getting significant roles, so that made me happy. The end of the anime, while in no way the end of the story, was pretty much as expected, so it worked for me. The music was very good in places, as well.

Because after the first few episodes, Serge and I realized that what other people saw as “awesome” we were seeing as “okay,” we started watching crappy anime first, in order to increase Claymore’s awesomeness. We watched Hitohira which we both thought was painfully awful so it worked well. And we tried Touka Gettan but that was SO bad it was funny and it became distracting, so it failed as a opening act. Each week we were so glad to be done with Hitohira, it did indeed help any scene without Raki to become better. Unfortunately, whenever he was on the screen, the level of good dropped significantly. I can’t think of a more sniveling whiner in any anime I’ve ever watched.

There was no Yuri in Claymore. Teresa and Clare did indeed have a deep love for one another. I do not doubt that. Their relationship was the high point of the series for me, as well anyone else. But were they “in love”? Did they want to be lovers? Unequivocally no. Sisters, guardian-ward, even mother-daughter. Yes.

This is a series full of deep battlefield emotions. Blood sisters, sword sisters. If the characters had been John Wayne as Teresa and some young strapping lad as Clare, you wouldn’t pair them up. It’s a battlefield buddy sort of story. People who happen to be women facing life and death situations together, relying upon one another to watch each other’s backs. And I see a lot of deep bonding there. But not that thing that *I* see as Yuri – two women who are drawn together by love and wanting to be lovers. Jeanne, for instance. She owed her life to Clare and wanted to repay that. She certainly followed Clare, like a retainer follows a beloved lord, full of admiration, worship and yes, a kind of love. I didn’t see it as a desire for Clare or a desire to be with Clare in the sense of being girlfriends with Clare.

If you press me, I’d say that Helen and Deneve had the best, only, chance of becoming lovers of all the Claymores we saw. And only by the very end.

Ratings:

Art – 6
Story – 7 without Raki, 5 with
Characters – 8 except Raki who was a 4
Yuri – 1
Service – 5 +1 for the insistence on Yuri where it hath none

Overall – 6 +1 when watched after something that sucked massively

It’s a war story with swords instead of guns and Youma instead of Nazis. Not bad, but certainly not ground-breaking. Or Yuri.



Welcome to the Jungle

November 23rd, 2007

Just wanted to touch base with you all. Mayan ruins are cool, the beach under a mostly full moon looks like a Neptunian landscape.

I’ll be back home in a few days. Thanks everyone for the interesting and challenging questions for this round of “Utter Nonense”! It’s going to take me some time to actually think about these questions.

But right now, there’s a beach that desperately needs walking upon and I still have to drink a purple drink today to complete the rainbow. Since none of us can think of a purple drink, we’re going to ask the bartender to make something up. It should be good – he’s been brilliant all week. :-)

Anime episodes watched – 0
Manga read – 0

Trashy lesbian novels read – 7, 2 to go (Of course, I will review them, duh….)

See you when I get back!